The Lady Who Lunches Blog

Alisha is doing a simulblog today to write a letter to our 16 year old self. What would you say to him/her? What would she think of you doing what you’re doing now?

I’m going to do this in a different way. I turned 28 last week and so I’ve been thinking a lot about where I was a decade ago. Ten years, an even number easily able to identify with. So, here goes:

Dear 18 year old self,

I know you think that being in a big city is the only possible place for a rising star like you, but what about being a big fish in a small pond for a bit? While you’re growing and learning and vulnerable – hold on, let me preface that with the fact that you are still a tough cookie who can handle her own in every situation, I know that’s how you like to think of yourself – but you will be faced with some tough situations in Los Angeles that you might not be as ready for as you think you are.

It’s too late, right? You’re already on your flight to LA to embark on an adventure that will change you forever, that will harden your heart for a few years. You’ve already turned down your scholarships to the University of Alabama and Cornell and University of Maryland where you could have gone for free. So, let’s go from there.

Baltimore School for the Arts was the best and worst thing that ever happened to you. It nurtured you and let you develop your emotions in a way that most kids never have the chance to do. It gave you friendships that will still be going strong in a decade from now and it gave you an insight into the human mind that will never leave you. However, it didn’t prepare you for the racism, hate and negativity that is in the world. You were in a cocoon of love – that was wonderful, but not the harsh reality.

USC will introduce you to this world. You will hear racist comments from rich kids who never experienced life in an inner city and are paying full price for this $40,000 a year school, and this 28 year old self is still proud of you for standing up for what you believed in, for never standing down when people would laugh at you or not want to invite you to parties – one thing to remember, there are moments when walking away is just as poignant as standing in the middle.

You think you already know all this. You think that you can handle anything. And you will and you will come out stronger than ever, but not for many, many years. You will be confused and dazed with life.

You need your mother more than you are willing to accept. The reason you are so angry with her right now is because you are so scared to live without her, 3,000 miles away.

Don’t avoid your problems. They’re not as scary as they seem.

Don’t work so hard. Don’t party so hard. Breathe a little.

Fame isn’t everything. In ten years, the pursuit of fame will be a shadow that still follows you but that you realize doesn’t mean anything. Success is not fame. I can try to tell you that in this letter and if you read this, you’ll scoff and say that you’re not interested in pursuing fame, but you’re not fooling anyone. We all know you are. Pursue relationships, friendship and moments. Keep all those journals – you’ll be surprised how much your 28 year old self will look and read those, trying to figure out what was going on in that teenage mind of yours and realizing that you had more depth than you believed yourself to have.

Be suspicious of men. Way more suspicious than you are now. Many of them are pigs and when the time comes to meet the man of your dreams, it will happen in the most random place – like on a road trip with your best friend to Las Vegas and then you’ll be the most suspicious you’ve ever been – and that’s a GOOD thing. You have way more to give than you realize. But you can’t meet him until you love yourself. Take your time doing this.

Right now you are probably getting ready for a party, auditioning for a play or calling Jessica or Courtney. At 28, I am still partying, no longer auditioning (but will be in Chicago, just for the love of it rather than seeking something that doesn’t exist) and still calling Jessica and Courtney.

You’ll be amazed at how much you will have accomplished in 10 years, but it might be hard to realize that you haven’t accomplished anything you thought would be important. And just imagine – in 10 years, you’ll finally be happy with who you are and where you have come from and are. You’ll be in love with yourself and life.

I love you,

Your 28 year old self