I started my first day today in an office stuffing tea (Lahloo Tea), helping a friend out. It was the first time I could really take a step back from my life as it is now and have a peak in. Maybe it’s because boyfriend is out of town for a couple of days, and I’m on my own. Maybe it’s because I was in a different environment than I usually am.

Nevertheless, I hovered above next to the solar-powered light bulb, looked down and said hello to myself, the English, working Meagan, and asked myself it was really true how lucky myself was. Myself nodded back and smiled. Here I was in an office, stuffing tea, pretending like I was working. I mean, I was working, I wasn’t pretending, but it somehow felt like I was pretending. It felt like I was pretending because this was the first time I was working not to pay the bills, put gas in my car or frantically get my student loan payment in on time. I was here, and it felt like socializing. It felt amazing.

The casual chit chat about the concerts that were coming to town, the many weddings we had been to this summer, and how our weekend went by too quickly. The lack of tension between my shoulder blades and the comfortable silences. This wasn’t work, it couldn’t be.

I was out of my glorious relationship bubble I’d been living in for the past nine months, and as I was walking back to the bus stop on my way home, I smiled to myself. Not a happy smile, but a, ohhh, I -get-what-I-have-now smile. You see, today was familiar. More familiar than being madly in love, happy and passionate about waking up day in day out to write the novel I’d always wanted to write.

Today was the first day I’ve lived in England like I’ve lived for most of the rest of my adult life. Alone. Walking to the bus. Working. Disregarding the crude stares and whistles from the heavily suped up Nissan Skyline hatchback. Small smirks of acknowledgments to the other women who were caught in a similar situation, alone and heading home. Taking in my surroundings, being aware that my handbag over my shoulder is not unzipped, blending into the background. Wondering if the guy sitting behind me on the back of the bus would stab me before or after he ran off with my money (gruesome, I know, but hey, it’s just how the mind works).

This was the me who had walked down the Parisian Rue de St. Lazar, New York’s 8^th Street and 6^th Avenue, Hollywood’s Hollywood Boulevard, Philly’s Chestnut Avenue, and Baltimore’s Pratt Street. Alone, taking on the world head on, and eager to see what lay ahead, yet fearing that the here and now won’t ever catch up with my desires and yearnings to be the most famous actress the world had ever seen..

But she isn’t me now. That girl hasn’t gone completely, but I smiled because I am now a more subtle version of me. A wiser me? Hopefully, but at least a more practical me. I almost felt like I could look back at that girl from those other streets in those other cities, and say, good job. We’ve done well. It wasn’t so bad after all – in hind-sight. We got through the thick of it, and turned out happier because (or despite?) of it. I’ve had a good life.

And, not that I felt like this was the end of her, or that I’m saying goodbye to her. Just the angst of being in my early twenties is over. I’m more settled now, and calm. I don’t have that voice in the back of my head fearing that my life will be over by the time I turned 27, and it was running out. Because I have turned 27, I am it. And, thank God!

I own a television now – not because I’ve given up on the idea that watching other people live their lives is nothing compared to living your own, but because I’m no longer afraid that my time will run out before I’ve lived it. I’m OK with watching other people and sitting on the couch for a while. I’m aware that I could die tomorrow, but I no longer feel like I need to cram it all into today just in case.

So, yes. I am grateful for being a lady who lunches and occasionally stuffs tea. I am grateful for experiencing this amazing new culture. I am grateful for making the friends I have, and having the friends I’ve made, and for having the most wonderful boyfriend in the world. I’m grateful for my family who reads this blog faithfully (even if I get a little long winded! Especially Granpa Harry who is blind, but still manages to read and set up my fan club.). And I’m grateful for finally making it to 27.

Bristol is more beautiful than I remembered it being yesterday. Kate, the owner of the tea company, took me on the roof of The Offices. She counted 18 spires from churches all around us. The old cathedrals, banks and breweries blending with the new post-war buildings to make the city scape of one of the most affluent cities in England. The roof top alone served as an example of the old blending with the new – Solar energy technology powering the building, and giving birth to tomato plants all at the same time, on the same roof.

September is here, and, as my friend Jessica said, the New Year has begun. Time to dust off those erasers, rulers and 3-hole punchers and get back to studying (take it as a metaphor if you want). I’m ready for Autumn brown corduroy trousers, how about you?

Newman and Woodward wore corduroy. Nuff said.

Related posts:

1. Moving Day Pin itThis phrase has come up a lot in my...
2. Script Frenzy Update – Day 27/30 Pin it 21 April 2010 Boredom hits. What do I...
3. The Day Bloggers Came to Life Pin itFollow up to Bloggers Unite entry. First time waking...
4. Script Frenzy Update, Day 9/30 Pin it Been methodically plodding along on the script for...
5. All in a Day! Pin itWhat a day! I scheduled my first newsletter announcing...