British Theme Parks are exactly the same as American Theme Parks – with country appropriate word changes.
My best BRITISH VERSION – Overpriced candy floss, long queues to rides, annoying spotty-faced teenagers snogging in the queue, mums waiting with their prams as ball and chain and kids go down the big dipper, baggy tracksuit bottoms and jumpers concealing flabby bums, seemingly simple-yet-complex games costing four pounds to win huge stuffed glow worm that will never fit in boot of car, and merchants selling snapped pictures of horrified boat-races going down the flying coaster.
AMERICAN VERSION – Overpriced cotton candy, long lines to rides, annoying pimply teenagers making out in the line, moms waiting with their stroller as husband and kids go down the roller coaster, loose sweatpants and sweatshirts concealing flabby fannies, seemingly simple-yet-complex games costing eight dollars to win humongous stuffed lightning bug that will never fit in trunk of car, and vendors selling snapped pictures of horrified faces going down the rollercoaster.
I found myself feeling strangely competitive going around my first English Amusement Park. In a way, I felt like a traitor, waltzing through an obvious American tradition in this foreign land, enjoying myself and spending money on ideals I only ever attributed to American society. “What would Walt Disney say?” is all I kept thinking of as I wrung my hands and stepped through Katanga Kanyon and into Mutiny Bay (two themed areas within the theme park).
Many times I forgot that I shouldn’t be enjoying myself perhaps more than I ever did at Disney World (gasp!), and would realize that I had been laughing for two hours straight, even tossing my hair at times. I snapped back into reality when a tomboy 13 year old girl with the mullet asked me if I knew where the toilets were in a proper English accent. You shouldn’t be speaking like that! I thought to myself. What happened to the missing teeth and West Virginian accent of Six Flags Great Adventures?
The competitiveness waned when I realized I was actually walking through an original manor house dating back to the 1600′s, and an estate that had been around since the 1000′s. Granted, the horror exhibition within the manor house was pathetic, at best, but there was something about the authenticity that you just can’t get from the US.
Alton Towers is supposed to be the best theme park in England, and I have to say, it lived up to its reputation. I had the time of my life. The day passed in the blink of an eye, and with the 2for1 discounted tickets, lack of summer vacationing children, cool, sunny weather and barely there crowds, it was the perfect time of year to go. My mind did play on me a few times – that strange feeling that I was in two clashing worlds at once – but I have to say it only added to the nostalgic rarity of the day. The rides were amazing, and we couldn’t help but run from one to another as we saw the park was about to close, trying to make the most of the time we had left.
I highly recommend anyone reading this to go to an amusement park near you – it definitely will put a smile to your face (unless you happen to be pregnant, have a heart condition or simply can’t stomach rides – then, yeah, not for you).
