It’s easy to look back on this year when someone asks how it went and say “Yeah, it has been fantastic. Ups and downs but fantastic.” Quick. Simple and two sentences. That’s what normally comes out. Sometimes I’ll do a bit of testing to see if they really want to hear how it was or if they are satisfied with the answer. Normally I get the satisfied look because I’ve summed up in two sentences that for the most part I had a great time, didn’t get hurt and can live to tell about it and also may have had some down bits, but that’s life, right?
It’s just that the year was so much more than that. It’s like when you go traveling for a long time and you get back to home, and you’ve experienced so much and have so much to say about it, but most people don’t want to hear it. They say they do, but they really don’t. And I don’t blame them because in the end it was your own experience, it wasn’t theirs. How can they really relate to what you’ve been doing when their life has been so vastly different. They would prefer you to pick back up where you left off and leave it at that. Plus, there’s more to it than that. Perhaps they were upset you left them there and hold a bit of resentment. Perhaps they don’t want to hear because it’s simply not something that interests them or they can even imagine. Perhaps they really want to know about it but seem to think you don’t want to talk about it. Who knows?
This has come up because I recently had an option to go back home early. I’m supposed to leave in August, but Jock and I spoke about me returning this month for various reasons – mostly financial and me missing family and friends. Once I truly thought how it would be to go back to the states, I changed my mind. Not because I don’t want to come home, because in all honesty, there is a big part of me that can not wait. But mostly because I feel like my English adventure isn’t over yet. I have just completed my novel (I ecstatically jump up and down) and am now getting paid to write for an online magazine. Life is happening here and I’m happy. I want to see my friends and family, but I want to complete the adventure I started.
It’s hard to explain all I’ve been through this past year. At times I’ve felt extremely isolated and rejected. At other times extremely welcome and finally at peace with being a foreigner. There have been other times where I’ve felt as free as a bird and other times sheltered and like a prisoner in this country (for reasons I can not explain at this precise moment but will one day come out). Over all, to put my whole experience in one sentence would be a complete injustice. I’m proud to be here and so lucky. I have had chances that other people would only dream of. On the other side dating a person from a different country bears consequences you would never imagine getting into it. On the whole, it has been an experience I would never dream of getting rid of.
We are moving from our house at the end of the month. For that I am excited for as a good friend recently said to me, “a change is as good as a rest.” What happens in the next six months will be an adventure, and for that, I am grateful.
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