Category Archives: Interviews with Family

Perspective

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The weather is still cold. But I have a new perspective since my last entry – I think it’s the buds that are newly, well, budding on the trees. Last week that wasn’t the case.

Flooding in Ireland 2010

 

And maybe it was seeing my girl Angel from high school on Monday. She’s shooting a pilot for a new MTV show, as a recurring role – and producing and finishing a script she has been working on for a couple of years.

And maybe it’s this guy from college who I know named Nathan who is crashing on our couch tomorrow night. He left his job and is now traveling the country by bus or by coach, by hook or by crook, by couch and I’ll vouch – because he wants to.

And maybe it’s the fact that my coworker is now back in the office after a month of being absent, keeping a strong face and a smile in her eyes, diving headfirst into her work – despite the fact that her mom just passed away a few weeks ago.

And maybe it’s my grandmother who is forced out of her condo because of the housing crisis, and at 79 years old, she is shrugging and says that she’s gotten over worse things than this in her life. She’ll pack up and go if she has to.

Or my other grandmother who is wheelchair bound for the rest of her life, but is learning how to use Skype, write newsletters for her community and is battling against her body’s desire to lean to the right.

Maybe it’s my boyfriend who may never be able to play soccer again or run another marathon – his two passions in life – because of an injury last fall, but who exercises and does physiotherapy everyday in order to make it stronger, and has never once complained…because he will run again despite what the doctor’s may say.

Or my Godfather who battled cancer and won.

My father who was unemployed for two years, but somehow survived going from extreme highs to extreme lows, and now has landed an incredible job.

My mother who was unemployed for two years, but somehow survived, landed a job and is fighting everyday to make herself better, and who picked up drumming in middle age.

You get it.  We all have stories like this.

And it is the people around me who inspire me, remind me to shut the hell up and stop complaining about the weather because – damn – I am one lucky gal. And they are all fulfilling their life goals…and that’s incredible.

I am awake in May…despite the 40 degree temperature outside, and realize that maybe I could be inspiring too…if I remember to be.

P.S. remember that little series I did called “Interview with Fam” Series? Well, one of my readers (and now a friend), did one of her own! Claire Morris is “Ooh La La English Demoiselle” and here is her interview with her uncle. Thank you so much Claire for taking my proposal seriously.

My favorite part of the interview:

2. What is your most fondest memory?
My father is still alive but suffers from vascular senile dementia. At 92 years old he lives in the dementia wing of a residential home. My fondest memory is from taking him on his last visit to his home town in Germany a few years ago and having him show me the house where he was born.

Interview with Your Fam – A Proposal

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I’d like to make a proposal.

Seeing as it’s the holiday season and the focus is about family, I’d like to stretch out to other bloggers and the world in general, and entice people to connect with one family member. This one family member is someone you’re curious about; someone whose story needs to be told. Someone you love and perhaps know a little bit about, but don’t know everything that you’d like to.

For readers of my blog, you may know that last year I did a series called “Interview with the Fam.” Somehow it didn’t occur to me that others would want to use this idea, until my friend Jessica Asch mentioned that that series had inspired her to begin interviewing her grandparents before they died, to get to the bottom of their love story and, in turn, find out more about where she comes from.

So, she (and Charlie O’Shea who wishes to help others tell their story once he retires) are my inspirations for putting this out to the world.

There are no requirements, but here are a few ideas:

1. Write down 5-10 questions that are pertinent to their life, that you have always wanted to ask, but didn’t know how and/or ask them to tell a story about their childhood.

2. Make the questions open ended. You don’t want them to be able to answer it in one or two words.

3. Dig deep. Make this important to you and it will make it important to them.

4. Record it on a voice recorder or get them to respond via email or letter so you have it. 

5. Post it! Share their stories with the world (unless you want to keep it private, then by all means)

Then, please post a link here once you’ve finished (whether it’s private or not). It will be so great to hear what your family members come up. Who knows, there may be a book out of it.

Interview with the Fam Series – Charlie O’Shea

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Charlie O’Shea is my “Father of the West Coast.” When I moved to California for college at 18, I didn’t know anyone 3,000 miles from my home. I vaguely remembered Charlie being around when I was a child, on the family ski trips and out in Baltimore, but it wasn’t until I moved to Los Angeles that I truly got to know him. He took me in and helped me out, gave me a shoulder to lean on, offered me a home away from home in Long Beach and was always there to listen when I was having problems – and being 18 in Los Angeles, I had many of those!

I’ve always been so grateful for him because I’m not sure how I would have survived for so long in California had it not been for him, and so humbled by his willingness to take in a friend’s daughter as his own. That’s how I feel, like he views me just as he would had I been his own daughter.

Without further ado, I present to you – Charlie O’Shea. Read up. He has a lot of great stories to offer (I love how he met his wife, how he overcame fatness and cancer…)

1. You own your own IT business. What are the best things about working for yourself? Worst?

The best thing about working for myself is setting my own hours. The worst thing about working for myself is remembering to stop working. As we work from home it is easy to get distracted with what I’m doing and not realize what time it has gotten to.

2. I know that O’Shea doesn’t come from your biological father. Can you tell us where it comes from?

This is one of the answers I warned you about. It isn’t to complicated but can be longwinded. My mother who bore me and my sister Dina was married to Phil Poland, a dentist in Limewood, NJ. So my name at birth was Charles J. Poland. My mother met my stepfather while in a TB sanatorium in about 1954 in Colorado. When my mother was released from the sanatorium she returned to NJ for several months until the school year was over. She then left NJ to be with my stepdad Jerry (Malcolm Jerome) O’Shea.

They were married at the end of the year – December 4 to be exact which is why Eileen and I got married on December 4. Until I was about 10 I went by Charles Poland. That summer my parents and almost everyone in the neighborhood joined a new swimming pool that had membership cards and mine and my sister’s both had O’Shea as the last name – that’s when I started using O’Shea. When I turned 16 and wanted a driver’s license it became a bigger official deal, so both my sister and I had our last name legally changed to O’Shea.

3. Although we’re not related, we have a very strong bond. How did you meet my mom and come to be a part of our lives? (Obviously I know this, but for the reader’s)


OK, for the readers. In about 1980 I had been hired by a company called Display Data. They built and sold computers to auto dealers and beverage producers/suppliers like Coke of San Antonio and Huston Distributing who sell Miller beer. Very soon after I was hired in Denver I was transferred to the training department in Huntsville Maryland. I was having lunch on day when I noticed this REALLY good looking women in the restaurant in the building. We ended up having lunch together. I found out that she grew up in the Towson area and had just recently moved back to Maryland from Florida and she was separated and had two daughters. We hit it off right away and dated for a short time. The one thing we both learned while dating was that we really LIKED each other but there wasn’t anything more going on and we became really good friends. Oh, and I absolutely loved her daughters.

4. You and Eileen’s love story is a bit of a fairy tale. Tell my lovely readers all about how it happened and make it gushy!

I don’t think I’m a very gushy guy, but here goes. We first met in Griffith Park located in Los Angeles. A mutual friend had invited Eileen to come to the park for our weekly Tuesday evening run. She was getting ready for a bike trip in Montana and Canada and wanted to get in better shape. When I was first introduced I thought she was a nice looking woman but way too young for me. I was 55 at the time and I figured her for no more than 35 and maybe younger. (I’d already tried that route once and was not about to go down that path).

After a few weeks of Eileen showing up on Tuesday evenings I was becoming intrigued. She was nice, smart, attractive: all things I liked. Then there came an evening where she was doing something else. Another mutual friend was there who worked with Eileen. I asked her how old Eileen really was and she didn’t know either and guessed about the same as I did. I also asked if Eileen was serious about anyone. She didn’t know the answer to that either but said she would find out, and she did. She told me Eileen was not seeing anyone and the age thing was not an issue, at least for Eileen. This was in the fall of 2000.

We started emailing and would bike or run on the weekends with other friends. In December I finally asked her out to my office Christmas party. On the day of the party she called and said she was sick. As this was our first official date I did wonder if she was just looking for an easy way out, but she followed up with some really nice emails and a sincere apology. So I asked her out again.

Due to complicated family issues in Eileen’s life (buying a house, family illnesses and deaths) it was mid-summer of 2001 before we really hooked up, going to movies, dinner, and generally getting serious and I was really liking this relationship even though I eventually found out she was 10 years younger and had never been married (I had been through two, the last one being almost 20 years behind me). She was happy just dating me but we finally had “the talk” where I explained I had a lot of “friends” and didn’t need any more, and I wanted something that might lead to marriage. We talked about moving in together and made plans to do so.

Now call me old-fashioned but I’ve never “lived” with anyone. I’ve had roommates but that was exactly what they were. So on February 14 of 2002 I took Eileen out to dinner in Santa Monica and went for a walk on the bluffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean and I asked her to marry me. Her response (this is debated to this day) was, “I’ll think about it”. She thinks she said, “Eventually.” Unless there is a tape we will never know. With as much commitment as I could get out of Eileen we moved in together in March. Then in early summer Eileen out of the blue said, “Okay.” When I asked “Okay what?” she said, “I’ll marry you.”

(Side Note from Meagan: I love this story, and it’s even funnier when they tell it together. Eileen normally gets embarrassed, but they both laugh at her unsure answer. I think we all know that she is definitely sure now.)

5. You’re a marathon runner. What keeps you motivated to keep going back for more? What made you start in the first place?

What made me start in the first place is a more interesting question. It goes back to marriage number two. Actually the end of the marriage.

On her last day in our apartment we were having a big argument and she up and said she was leaving. But before she left she had a few parting shots. She said, “You have gotten fat and lazy. All you do is sit around and watch TV. You haven’t read a book in years and you couldn’t run around the block if you had to!”

So the next morning, I went out to run around the block and didn’t make it. When I got back I turned off the TV (unplugged it) and went to work. Every morning I got up before work and ran as far as I could. In a couple of weeks I did make it around the block. Then I started on two blocks and just kept going. By May I decided to enter my first race, the Constellation 10K. The first 3 miles were uphill and then 3 miles back down. I figured I could run the first 3 and walk the second three. As it turned out I felt so good at the top of the hill I ran to the finish.

What keeps me motived after 28 years of running is the feeling it gives me. I feel in control of my life. There are some great side effects too: you meet some really great people who like to exercise, it is a healthy lifestyle, and you get to eat more.

6. Even after fighting cancer, you went on to run the Paris Marathon. How much harder was it to get started running after chemo? What is the biggest thing you realized after cancer, would you say? (If that’s even possible to summarize at all!)

While fighting cancer, as I said in the last answer, when I run I feel I have some control. Cancer was shit. I don’t recommend it for anyone. And you can definitely say the cure is worse the disease.

So the last thing I did before starting chemo was to run a half marathon. My chemo sessions were every three weeks. After the first session I thought this will be a piece of cake. What I didn’t understand then was chemo is cumulative. By the third session I was toast. Running was out of the question. But I made myself get up and walk everyday. At a minimum 3 miles. They were very slow miles.

By the end of chemo I was tired of the whole thing and really ready for it to end. This was the end of March 2009. I was out of shape and completely exhausted and beaten down. My sister and her husband were coming out to California to visit and there was a half marathon up in Solvang. Eileen, my sister, and her husband were all going to run. So I signed up and planned on walking the first 7 miles and then get a ride to the finish. But I got to 7 miles and there was this woman in front of me, bent over, walking/running her heart out and she kept going so I did too.

Eileen called me on the cell I was carrying, as they expected me to be at the finish before them. When I said I was at mile 10 and thought it would take me another 45 minutes to finish. When I came down the final stretch, running the best I could, Eileen, my sister, her husband, and I all had tears in our eyes. It was one of the most inspirational runs for me in my whole life. So after that run (about 3 weeks post chemo) Eileen decided I needed a carrot to kickstart my training again and suggested we run the Paris Marathon. It wasn’t my fastest run ever, but it was a lot of fun!

As to the biggest thing I learned, I think it is what everyone with a life threatening illness learns: life is precious, don’t waste time on things you cannot control. Obviously you have to look to the future but don’t forget to live in the present.

7. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years?

In five years I hope to be even more semi retired than I already am. Spend more time doing things I want like vacation, running, taking photos, and reading. I’ve had a dream about starting a company that records people’s memories. The older I get the more interesting I find everyone. It seems to me everyone has a story to share and I think it is a shame when we die and the story goes silent.

In ten years, hopefully more of the same and by then I should start placing in my age group at races ;-)

8. Biggest life lesson?

The way I see it, it is be the very best person I can be. We’ve all heard variations of this, like “do unto others,” or Bill and Ted’s, “Be excellent to each other”. And even better to “pay it forward,” just do something for someone with no expectation of anything in return. What a great idea!

9. Anything else you’d like to add?

As if I haven’t said enough already! But I will say thanks for giving me a chance to add to your collection of tales.

THANK YOU, CHARLIE!

“Interview With Fam” Series – Aunt Donna

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As some of you know, following up to Christmas, I had a series called “Interview with the Fam.” Well, since I wasn’t able to get everyone in my family interviewed on time, I will now be doing an interview a month until I run out of family members (that may take a while). The thing I’ve found most fascinating about these little interviews is how much (embarrassingly) I don’t know about my own family. Plus, it inspires me on so many levels – I learn more about my own self, and am reminded of how much you can learn from your own backyard.

Without any further ado, I present to you Aunt Donna!

Between freshman, sophomore and junior years in college (university), I came back to Baltimore for the summers. My Aunt owns a cleaning business, and she kindly hired me to help out. I have never met a woman who works harder than she does (and therefore inspires her employees to work harder!). She is a great mother of two children – Becky and Sam. She took me to my first music concert, and I’m not talking classical piano here, I’m talking PHISH I’ll never forget it. Me at 13 years old sporting her old tie dye tshirt. She was the cool Aunt. I went back to Phish concerts twice when in college. She basically rocks all the way around.

1. Please give us all a brief introduction of who Mrs. Donna Rader is.

Hi, my name is Donna Rader. I was born on March 27, 1963. I live in Baltimore, Md. along with my husband Larry, daughter Becky, 3 dogs, and 1 cat.

2. Being the youngest by far amongst four siblings must have been great in some ways and tough in others. What was it like to be the baby in your family? Do you think its helped shaped you in any ways as an adult?

I am the youngest sibling, with 2 older brothers, and a sister who is the oldest. My memories of being the youngest aren’t very good. I remember being teased all the time, their favorite thing to do to me was to call me; BABY, BABY, BABY. I would scream. No Help At All!!! As an adult however, there have been great times, and then not such great times. Overall, now I am very glad to have all the support of my sister and brothers.

3. As far as I know you’ve always lived in or around the Baltimore area. (Correct me if I’m wrong!) What is your favorite thing about living in Baltimore? What do you like the least?

I was born and raised in Baltimore, Md. However, I have not always lived here. In 1983, I went to visit my brother in New Mexico after his spinal injuries. I ended up staying for about 9-10 months. In 1986, I moved to Melbourne Florida, and had a relationship with Rich Tyree, got married for the first time in 1988, and my first child was born in Feb. 1989 in Melbourne Florida. I moved back to Baltimore in 1999. The thing I like the best about Baltimore is the fact that everything is so familiar to me – friends, family, memories. The thing I dislike about Baltimore the most is the weather.

4. Being an entrepreneur and owning your own business, what’s the best thing about being self-run? What is the toughest aspect of it? AND 5. Are there any other types of businesses you’d like to start up before you retire? What would your dream career be?

I own and run my own housecleaning business, called “Cleanability”, kinda catchy don’t ya think? I started the business back in 1995 or so because I needed to be very flexible for my young children since I was a single parent. Since that time, my business has grown, and I have had several employees through the years. It has been great working for myself, and having that kind of flexibility in my life. I look back to when I worked for “Corporate America”, and I think that I could never ever work for someone else again. “NEVER”. I have become very spoiled due to working for myself.

Now please don’t get me wrong, I have worked very hard at this business. It has had it’s great times and also it’s bad times. Housecleaning has taken it’s toll on me physically. In the future, I plan on possibly increasing my clientele and hiring people to work it for me. This is something that my husband told me he has wanted me to do for a long time. Don’t know why he waited so long to tell me that!!! MEN!!!!

I am giving thought as to what I think my dream job could or would have been in life, and I think I have to say that it may have something to do with animals. I love all animals very much..

Sorry Meg, just realized I answered #5 in #4. (No problem, I put them both in!)

6. Tell me something I don’t know about my wonderful Aunt Donna!

Things you probably don’t know about me are: That I’ve lived in 2 other states, besides Maryland. Maybe you don’t know that I used to be a Deadhead. I love to travel. I love my dogs!!! I’m really racking my brain right now, I have no idea “what you don’t know about me”. I also like to sew, and have made most of the curtains in my house. (I didn’t know the moving bit or the sewing part! I love that you were a Deadhead.)

7. Finally, what are your top two greatest memories thus far in your life? Why?

Last but not Least!!!! One of my favorite memories is of visiting Hawaii in April 1999. It is the most beautiful place on this planet, (in my opionon). Larry and I had the best time there on our honeymoon. Other great memories, hhmmm thinking!!!!! Here’s one!! June 2007, Becky graduated from High School, that was a really accomplishment for her, so it made me feel elated to see her accomplish that. In life, I’ve had many, many good memories. Too many to list probably. I look forward to making more lasting memories throughout the years to come. Who knows what they may be.

(She makes me proud to have an Aunt like her. )

Thanks, and I’m a Paid Writer!

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I wanted to say a special thank you to my family members who partook in the “Interview with Fam” series. It was especially great for me because I got to learn more about the ones who bear the same blood, and it was so nice to be able to share this weird world of blogging with you all.

For those I may have missed, I simply ran out of time leading up to Christmas, but will definitely do this again at some point!

On another note, I have two new articles up at AND Magazine. Please take a look and peruse the site. I’m really proud of the layout and how they’ve done it. Let me know what you think! Plus, I’m getting paid for writing for them now. I’m officially a professional writer then, right?