Charlie O’Shea is my “Father of the West Coast.” When I moved to California for college at 18, I didn’t know anyone 3,000 miles from my home. I vaguely remembered Charlie being around when I was a child, on the family ski trips and out in Baltimore, but it wasn’t until I moved to Los Angeles that I truly got to know him. He took me in and helped me out, gave me a shoulder to lean on, offered me a home away from home in Long Beach and was always there to listen when I was having problems – and being 18 in Los Angeles, I had many of those!

I’ve always been so grateful for him because I’m not sure how I would have survived for so long in California had it not been for him, and so humbled by his willingness to take in a friend’s daughter as his own. That’s how I feel, like he views me just as he would had I been his own daughter.

Without further ado, I present to you – Charlie O’Shea. Read up. He has a lot of great stories to offer (I love how he met his wife, how he overcame fatness and cancer…)

1. You own your own IT business. What are the best things about working for yourself? Worst?

The best thing about working for myself is setting my own hours. The worst thing about working for myself is remembering to stop working. As we work from home it is easy to get distracted with what I’m doing and not realize what time it has gotten to.

2. I know that O’Shea doesn’t come from your biological father. Can you tell us where it comes from?

This is one of the answers I warned you about. It isn’t to complicated but can be longwinded. My mother who bore me and my sister Dina was married to Phil Poland, a dentist in Limewood, NJ. So my name at birth was Charles J. Poland. My mother met my stepfather while in a TB sanatorium in about 1954 in Colorado. When my mother was released from the sanatorium she returned to NJ for several months until the school year was over. She then left NJ to be with my stepdad Jerry (Malcolm Jerome) O’Shea.

They were married at the end of the year – December 4 to be exact which is why Eileen and I got married on December 4. Until I was about 10 I went by Charles Poland. That summer my parents and almost everyone in the neighborhood joined a new swimming pool that had membership cards and mine and my sister’s both had O’Shea as the last name – that’s when I started using O’Shea. When I turned 16 and wanted a driver’s license it became a bigger official deal, so both my sister and I had our last name legally changed to O’Shea.

3. Although we’re not related, we have a very strong bond. How did you meet my mom and come to be a part of our lives? (Obviously I know this, but for the reader’s)

OK, for the readers. In about 1980 I had been hired by a company called Display Data. They built and sold computers to auto dealers and beverage producers/suppliers like Coke of San Antonio and Huston Distributing who sell Miller beer. Very soon after I was hired in Denver I was transferred to the training department in Huntsville Maryland. I was having lunch on day when I noticed this REALLY good looking women in the restaurant in the building. We ended up having lunch together. I found out that she grew up in the Towson area and had just recently moved back to Maryland from Florida and she was separated and had two daughters. We hit it off right away and dated for a short time. The one thing we both learned while dating was that we really LIKED each other but there wasn’t anything more going on and we became really good friends. Oh, and I absolutely loved her daughters.

4. You and Eileen’s love story is a bit of a fairy tale. Tell my lovely readers all about how it happened and make it gushy!

I don’t think I’m a very gushy guy, but here goes. We first met in Griffith Park located in Los Angeles. A mutual friend had invited Eileen to come to the park for our weekly Tuesday evening run. She was getting ready for a bike trip in Montana and Canada and wanted to get in better shape. When I was first introduced I thought she was a nice looking woman but way too young for me. I was 55 at the time and I figured her for no more than 35 and maybe younger. (I’d already tried that route once and was not about to go down that path).

After a few weeks of Eileen showing up on Tuesday evenings I was becoming intrigued. She was nice, smart, attractive: all things I liked. Then there came an evening where she was doing something else. Another mutual friend was there who worked with Eileen. I asked her how old Eileen really was and she didn’t know either and guessed about the same as I did. I also asked if Eileen was serious about anyone. She didn’t know the answer to that either but said she would find out, and she did. She told me Eileen was not seeing anyone and the age thing was not an issue, at least for Eileen. This was in the fall of 2000.

We started emailing and would bike or run on the weekends with other friends. In December I finally asked her out to my office Christmas party. On the day of the party she called and said she was sick. As this was our first official date I did wonder if she was just looking for an easy way out, but she followed up with some really nice emails and a sincere apology. So I asked her out again.

Due to complicated family issues in Eileen’s life (buying a house, family illnesses and deaths) it was mid-summer of 2001 before we really hooked up, going to movies, dinner, and generally getting serious and I was really liking this relationship even though I eventually found out she was 10 years younger and had never been married (I had been through two, the last one being almost 20 years behind me). She was happy just dating me but we finally had “the talk” where I explained I had a lot of “friends” and didn’t need any more, and I wanted something that might lead to marriage. We talked about moving in together and made plans to do so.

Now call me old-fashioned but I’ve never “lived” with anyone. I’ve had roommates but that was exactly what they were. So on February 14 of 2002 I took Eileen out to dinner in Santa Monica and went for a walk on the bluffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean and I asked her to marry me. Her response (this is debated to this day) was, “I’ll think about it”. She thinks she said, “Eventually.” Unless there is a tape we will never know. With as much commitment as I could get out of Eileen we moved in together in March. Then in early summer Eileen out of the blue said, “Okay.” When I asked “Okay what?” she said, “I’ll marry you.”

(Side Note from Meagan: I love this story, and it’s even funnier when they tell it together. Eileen normally gets embarrassed, but they both laugh at her unsure answer. I think we all know that she is definitely sure now.)

5. You’re a marathon runner. What keeps you motivated to keep going back for more? What made you start in the first place?

What made me start in the first place is a more interesting question. It goes back to marriage number two. Actually the end of the marriage.

On her last day in our apartment we were having a big argument and she up and said she was leaving. But before she left she had a few parting shots. She said, “You have gotten fat and lazy. All you do is sit around and watch TV. You haven’t read a book in years and you couldn’t run around the block if you had to!”

So the next morning, I went out to run around the block and didn’t make it. When I got back I turned off the TV (unplugged it) and went to work. Every morning I got up before work and ran as far as I could. In a couple of weeks I did make it around the block. Then I started on two blocks and just kept going. By May I decided to enter my first race, the Constellation 10K. The first 3 miles were uphill and then 3 miles back down. I figured I could run the first 3 and walk the second three. As it turned out I felt so good at the top of the hill I ran to the finish.

What keeps me motived after 28 years of running is the feeling it gives me. I feel in control of my life. There are some great side effects too: you meet some really great people who like to exercise, it is a healthy lifestyle, and you get to eat more.

6. Even after fighting cancer, you went on to run the Paris Marathon. How much harder was it to get started running after chemo? What is the biggest thing you realized after cancer, would you say? (If that’s even possible to summarize at all!)

While fighting cancer, as I said in the last answer, when I run I feel I have some control. Cancer was shit. I don’t recommend it for anyone. And you can definitely say the cure is worse the disease.

So the last thing I did before starting chemo was to run a half marathon. My chemo sessions were every three weeks. After the first session I thought this will be a piece of cake. What I didn’t understand then was chemo is cumulative. By the third session I was toast. Running was out of the question. But I made myself get up and walk everyday. At a minimum 3 miles. They were very slow miles.

By the end of chemo I was tired of the whole thing and really ready for it to end. This was the end of March 2009. I was out of shape and completely exhausted and beaten down. My sister and her husband were coming out to California to visit and there was a half marathon up in Solvang. Eileen, my sister, and her husband were all going to run. So I signed up and planned on walking the first 7 miles and then get a ride to the finish. But I got to 7 miles and there was this woman in front of me, bent over, walking/running her heart out and she kept going so I did too.

Eileen called me on the cell I was carrying, as they expected me to be at the finish before them. When I said I was at mile 10 and thought it would take me another 45 minutes to finish. When I came down the final stretch, running the best I could, Eileen, my sister, her husband, and I all had tears in our eyes. It was one of the most inspirational runs for me in my whole life. So after that run (about 3 weeks post chemo) Eileen decided I needed a carrot to kickstart my training again and suggested we run the Paris Marathon. It wasn’t my fastest run ever, but it was a lot of fun!

As to the biggest thing I learned, I think it is what everyone with a life threatening illness learns: life is precious, don’t waste time on things you cannot control. Obviously you have to look to the future but don’t forget to live in the present.

7. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years?

In five years I hope to be even more semi retired than I already am. Spend more time doing things I want like vacation, running, taking photos, and reading. I’ve had a dream about starting a company that records people’s memories. The older I get the more interesting I find everyone. It seems to me everyone has a story to share and I think it is a shame when we die and the story goes silent.

In ten years, hopefully more of the same and by then I should start placing in my age group at races

8. Biggest life lesson?

The way I see it, it is be the very best person I can be. We’ve all heard variations of this, like “do unto others,” or Bill and Ted’s, “Be excellent to each other”. And even better to “pay it forward,” just do something for someone with no expectation of anything in return. What a great idea!

9. Anything else you’d like to add?

As if I haven’t said enough already! But I will say thanks for giving me a chance to add to your collection of tales.

THANK YOU, CHARLIE!