Truly Seeing the Emerald of It All

I felt overloaded with the beauty of it all.

There were times when I could almost feel a roll of the eyes coming from myself when approaching another beautiful scenery up ahead – from another castle steeped in history, another amazing group of rolling hills or another incredible coastline. There were times when I just didn’t know if I could stomach more beauty and more nature.

But, “Jesus,” I thought, “what the heck is wrong with you? This is AMAZING, don’t you get it?” I did get it. I knew logically it was all amazing. But I wasn’t FEELING it.

I mean, I was seeing the mountains, the cathedrals, the millions of books in Trinity College and I was reading the plaques associated with the meanings of it all. But I wasn’t really there. I was. But not truly. Not all the time. The “Oooohs” and “Ahhhs” coming from my mouth sometimes felt like that’s what I should be saying at these moments of intense breathtaking scenes, and they came out on target and with the rest of the group – but something was missing.

And, I couldn’t figure out what it was. At first, I put it down to the fact that I had lived in France and I’d been living in England for some time now. The intensity I felt the first time I entered Europe could never be replicated because I no longer had those fresh eyes to take everything in. I admitted defeat and realized perhaps this was the sign of getting older and seeing more and knowing more. I was an adult, and with it came lack of excitement?

But, I yearned to get authentically excited again about IT. Life. The Planet. History. Nature. Seeing things. TRULY seeing things. Ireland. I knew it was magical. I could sense it. But I wasn’t feeling it.

Then, I told myself that traveling was more about being with the person you’re traveling with and experiencing life with them. The sights and sites were secondary. That didn’t quite click with me either. Because, if I couldn’t experience it for myself, then I wasn’t truly experiencing it WITH them…right?

So, what was it? Why was there this fog that left me feeling a bit detached, a bit lackluster, and frankly, slightly annoyed at times?

Everyday this feeling slowly started to go away. Ireland began ebbing away at the cobwebs in my spirit. It made tiny cracks in my “adult” brain until holes started forming, peeking into my child soul. I didn’t notice it at first…until, I made a decision.

I turned off my phone, left my laptop in the car, had a good night’s sleep with no alcohol, and …. there Ireland was. Stretched before me like a vast dreamlike land of delight. Only it wasn’t a dream. The colors were vivid and everything was shiny and new again.

I was awestruck by the lakes, rainbows and ruggedness, not aggravated by them. I felt more free and open and alive than perhaps…ever. It was better than the first time I arrived in Europe. Because this time, I had to earn it. Not better. Just different.

MAL in IrelandThe weird thing is. I didn’t even notice that I was feeling in any way lackluster before this. Bristol has finally started feeling like home, I am more in love than ever, and my book is coming along better than I had hoped. I’ve made some great friends, and sure I miss my family and the US, but I also know I’ll be seeing them soon. I’m happy.

Maybe what I realized is that everyday happiness just has a different feel than holiday happiness. You have to adjust to each. One is perhaps more exaggerated than the other. It also reminds me to turn off my laptop, and take walks more often. Running perhaps has its limitations?

With that said, technology is the devil. At least for me. I can too easily become addicted and obsessed with postings, what’s going on in twitterland, who wore what on X-Factor (the UK’s American Idol for the folks back home), who emailed me – that what goes on in cyber space becomes more important than what I’m actually doing in real life. It’s a sad disease.

So sad that in order for me to get any writing of my novel done, I must turn off the WiFi, and if Jock is home and needs it on – I have no chance of writing or editing my book because… well, I need to know who is number 1 on the charts right now, or somebody said something to me two weeks ago that I had been meaning to google because I was pretty sure they were wrong about that…

So sad that I had to delete myself from facebook six months ago.

So sad that it took me over a week to wake up from this Cyberspace haze while I was in possibly the most gorgeous country I have ever seen. And, I do think that was a big part of it.

Luckily, I have come back a new woman! But wait, first I have to find out the origin of the Claddagh ring and figure out which way to wear it on my finger to say that my heart is taken…

All that said, I definitely had one of the best times of my life by the end. (see next entry for details!)

See photos here and here.

Only in Ireland

(This is continued from my previous entry “Truly Seeing the Emerald of It All.” And, if you don’t feel like reading all of this – stay tuned for a movie I made of our trip instead. It’s only 9 minutes long! – movie is finished and you can click here to view it.)

The beginning of the trip was still so much fun, but by the end I was awake, aware and in love with the earth around me. Perhaps it was the wild west of Ireland clutching my heart strings or maybe it was the weight of my world releasing into the lakes below me as the time passed. Either way, nature has incredible effects on the soul. As does a good pint of Guinness (or Murphy’s if you’re in Cork).

After our other traveling couple left back to London, Jock and I stayed with his friends Deirdre and Paul in Cork. They have three adorable Irish children all between the ages of 2 and 6. They truly lived up to reputation of Irish hospitality with a full homemade dinner, some poteen to put some hair on our backs and just a good craic overall.

One thing I found fascinating was how Paul knew what area of Ireland the name Breckenridge (my grandmother’s maiden name) came from just from hearing it said. He knew we would be protestant and Northern Irish.  So incredible to me that a name can put an exact location to ye – Jock seems to have understood this quite quickly, whereas to an American, it seems so bizarre. The history that we learned along the way is another entry entirely. However, one of the big reasons we stayed away from Northern Ireland was because I would have no problem, but Jock may still get some slack for being English. We vow to go back though.

Baltimore, IrelandOriginal-gangster Baltimore was stormy, tiny and astonishing, and the mussels melted in my mouth (it even felt like Baltimore, Maryland when a busload of Americans came in the cafe we were eating in – speaking loudly, asking in a big way for Irish coffees, and generally taking over. More on Americans on the trip later).

The Ring of Kerry was stunning at every turn. A full day of mountains, herds of cows in road, blustery beaches and incredible rock formations. Plus, we had four days of living hotel free when Deirdre so kindly and generously offered us their two-bedroom holiday home in Kenmare to base ourselves. Soo nice to have a house to come home to!

Killarney National Park couldn’t have been more captivating to drive around – waterfalls, mysterious abandoned 500-year old buildings, gorgeous old one-way bridges, flooded castles, and lake and mountain views that Queen Victoria’s ladies in waiting exclaimed at.Flooded Trees in Killarney National Park

Dingle Peninsula was raw and wild. The colors leapt out at you, and Jock and I were blessed with the rain stopping each time we had a view to see. Literally. Thank you Mother Nature.

Dingle, the town, had this pub called Dickie Mack’s where the owner, Oliver, is fifth generation owner. To the left, as you walk in, are old shoe boxes and shoes from where his grandfather ran the shoe repair shop. To the right, is the bar where Oliver wears his big ole hat, drunkenly delivers you a pint of Guinness and offers his anecdotes with a wild-eyed Irish flourish. He offered us the room next to the bar to sip our Guinness where he had just lit a warm fire. Truly magical – even the guy from Philly sat at the bar giving us advice on where to go didn’t really bother me.

Cliffs of MoherJocko and MAL at Cliffs of MoherThe Cliffs of Moher were spellbinding. I’m not just reading this from a tour book either. When Jock showed me a postcard of the Cliffs of Moher, I said, slightly jokingly and a bit harshly, “Oh, that looks boring.” And, to be fair, the postcard did make them look slightly boring. Oh wow – a cliff (I personally think we took some better pictures than any postcard we saw – still, it does them no justice).

I didn’t want to leave from that cliff overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.

The wind was so forceful at times that I would get pushed forward – nature daring me to take the plunge or was it just showing its abundant power? The waterfalls tried to live up to their name and fall but, instead, leapt upward into our faces as we passed. The edges are so dangerous and are falling at such a rapid speed over the years, that they have to considerably cut back on where they let people climb. After all, it is a naturally eroding cliff. We couldn’t help but peer over once or twice.

I have this constant dream of me standing on a cliff with my arms wide open, overlooking the ocean. I felt I was there at that moment.

And then, we walked into the cafe and bookstore, and I fell sharply into focus and back into the modern world. I was constantly finding myself jerked back into harsh capitalism just after a magnificent natural wonder. I wanted to hold onto those moments of standing on cliffs and edges of waterfalls. But, maybe that’s what it’s all about – the moment. Realizing how swiftly it can be taken from you and relishing it when you can.

Jock reminded me that even in the Victorian era there were cafes and people trying to make a buck from nature. It’s not exactly a modern phenomenon. And, if I’m to be completely honest, I gobble up the literature in the bookshops and truly enjoy that warm cup of tea.

Being in Ireland in November meant there were very little people around – not like leprechauns, but a few amount. Sometimes driving around, we were the only car on the road for hours. It also meant many exhibitions were closed, but that just gave us more time to enjoy the scenery and pubs.

Galway. We almost didn’t go to Galway. We almost missed my favorite city thus far. It was a long drive and we only had half a day to see it, but it was so worth it.

I don’t know exactly what it was, but the atmosphere of the pubs, the locals playing Irish music outside and the romanticism I’ve picked up over the years from the movies put this place in a corner of my heart. I am such a sap for Irish music and the romantic vision of what Ireland has to offer. We may have met more Americans in Galway than we had met anywhere else (although, they were literally outnumbering the Irish at some points on our trip), but it still felt more authentic somehow.

We met an old couple at the end of the evening Friday night, and I was talking to him about the sheer amount of us over here – he said, “Irish don’t think of us as foreigners, they think of us as one of their own.” I’m not sure if he’s right or not, but the Irish did a hell of a job making us feel like one of them. And, considering there are only 3 million Irish people in Ireland – how is it that 40 million of us Americans have Irish in us?

Ok, quick note on Americans. Every time I saw one or heard one – I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and shudder at their loud mouthed ways and absurd clothing – hoping I’m not pigeon holed as the stereotype I saw everywhere I went. On the other hand, every time I spoke to an American, I felt comforted and at ease. After all, these are my people  – love it or hate it, and they are what I know, and love. Yes, love.

Our last stop was Blarney Castle. I have to admit, it was the most alluring castle we saw. Up the narrow winding steps. I didn’t know you had to bend backwards in order to kiss the stone. You feel like you’ve earned your right to kiss this magical stone by the time you get up the stairs. None of the castle is protected from the elements. The wind blows right through all the layers. The poor men who work there to help you kiss it. Imagine, your only job is to make sure tourists don’t topple off a castle when in the midst of kissing a stone in the hopes that it will give them the gift of eloquence. Only in Ireland.

The Luck of the Irish?

Heading to Ireland tomorrow, so thought I’d post one last time before I set off for two weeks.

I am so excited for Ireland. For many reasons.

First, this is the first time we’ve had two weeks to travel and just have fun with each other since that fateful trip to Chicago in July 2008. Granted, we haven’t had a bad life since then – a trip to Florida, Baltimore, Spain and several places around England – but this is the first all out full two week holiday. Jock doesn’t have to worry about work, I’ll take a break from writing and let my head have some breathing space. We can go where we want when we want to.

Secondly, Ireland just seems magical. Maybe it’s the stories of Leprechauns, pots of gold, four leaf clovers and Guiness. Or, maybe it’s the way it’s depicted in the movies as lush, green and sprawling country side with simple, nice, happy people. However it is magical, I don’t care. I just know it will be.

Finally, it’s where most of America’s ancestors come from. I know that I have a few from there, and I want to experience firsthand the luck of the Irish – why there are so many of them all over the world! I feel like I’m going to be changed by this trip. Don’t know how, but just a feeling. Hopefully the change won’t just be that I have far fewer British Pounds than when I set out…